2. I see you stuck to the ketchup defense….nothing to add on Iran-Contra, the AIDS crisis, the ever-widening gulf between the richest 1% of the nation and the rest of us schmoes? Well, to be honest, I don’t blame Reagan too much for any of that myself…he was so much more pawn than politician. (You could check out Molly Ivins’ first book for some great background, but…Holy Cow, SHE’s the liberal media!! Much as I love Molly, I can’t help but feel her success is why we’re now all stuck with Ann Coulter…Note to Bigwig Liberal Media Moguls: it helps if your columnists are funny. Savvy. Smart. Don’t believe McCarthyism and the Tet Offensive were dreamed up by leftwing conspiracy theorists…I’m just sayin’)

3. Even if we give ketchup its full props, I’m pretty sure you’d need more than the 2 tbsps. you get outta the squeezy packet to count as a nutrionally-significant serving.

Don’t worry, beancounter–we still want ya to come over for dinner…I’ll even put lycopene on the menu.

Sincerely,

Your favorite right-wing, kill all the children and starve the elderly, fatten the wallets of the rich, Ann Coulter reading, Bible thumbing, Constitution loving, flag waving, mean, vile, horrible extremist and any other appropriate adjective I may have forgotten Republican friend and closet 12 frogs fan club member:

The Bean Counter